Learn why surrendering the need for control can break the cycle of stress and help you manage bipolar disorder.
It’s hard for me to ask for help — so hard that it almost never happens. Usually, I wait until it’s too late, leaving me seething with bipolar anger or completely overwhelmed by exhaustion.
My reluctance to ask for help often comes from a well-meaning place: I don’t want to be a burden, or I genuinely want to be the one helping others. But sometimes, it stems from a more complicated desire: I want people to see me as a multitasking marvel who has it all together.
Beneath these tangled and often misguided intentions, anxiety drives my need to be in control.
Connecting Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety
Bipolar and anxiety often go hand-in-hand. This is little wonder — when our moods constantly shift, we may feel like we never know what’s coming next.
- When I’m depressed, hopelessness fuels my anxiety.
- When I’m manic, I experience anxiety differently — it’s an unsettling sense that things are bound to end badly.
- When I’m stable, I still wrestle with the fear that this stability won’t last, or that another mood episode is just around the corner.
Managing a Constant Baseline of Anxiety
Even when bipolar symptoms aren’t at the forefront of my mind, the everyday stress of life is enough to keep me at an elevated baseline of anxiety.
Instead of asking for help when I need it, my anxiety convinces me I must do everything myself to stay in control. I find myself following the old adage: If you want something done right, do it yourself.
Acting like a martyr in the name of control — or some illusion of perfection — only intensifies stress. It strengthens the desire for control and reinforces an unwillingness to ask for help. It’s a vicious cycle that we can only break through surrender.
Learning to Surrender Control and Practice Humility
Surrendering the terrifying feeling that we must be in control requires something difficult: humility. In an age of social media and constant oversharing (for example, the blog I’m writing right now), humility isn’t exactly encouraged. Instead, society tells us to share our every thought, post our carefully edited selfies, and “just do you.”
All of this fuels selfishness and adds to the pressure to appear like we have it all together. Asking for help doesn’t always fit into that paradigm.
Yet, as people dealing with the very messy, painful, sometimes beautiful world of bipolar disorder, learning to ask for help is one of the most powerful ways we can take care of ourselves.
I’m now on a mission to reach out when I need support. Surrendering my ego, accepting that I can’t control everything (and never will), and practicing humility are all part of this process. It reminds me of a better adage: Let go and let God.
4 Things to Remember When Asking for Help
The next time you’re struggling to ask for help — especially when dealing with bipolar anxiety — try to remember these four things:
- Seek support early. Ask for help before you reach the point of stress and total overwhelm.
- Release the guilt. Don’t be afraid of imposing on others; it’s up to them to say “no” if they need to.
- Accept different methods. There isn’t just one way to complete a task — just because it’s not done your way doesn’t mean it won’t be done well.
- Prioritize peace over control. Trying to control everything doesn’t ease anxiety — but asking for help can.
What are some other ways you have learned to let go of control and ask for help? Feel free to share them below.
UPDATED: Originally posted March 7, 2017
