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Maintaining strong connections while managing bipolar disorder requires honest talk, boundaries, and mutual support.
Key Takeaways
- Supportive friendships can be a big part of staying well with bipolar disorder — they’re the people who can help you feel steadier when your mood shifts.
- Not every friendship is good for your mental health. Pay attention to who leaves you feeling supported, and who consistently leaves you stressed, drained, or off-balance.
- Clear boundaries help friendships last. It also helps to agree on how a friend should raise concerns so they feel caring, not critical.
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If you already have people you care about, you can keep those connections steady and genuine — even when your mood, energy, or routines shift. You don’t have to “perform” friendship perfectly to deserve it. You can strengthen what you already have, one honest conversation and one small follow-through at a time.
If you’re also dealing with other friendship stressors — making friends, deciding what to share, or worrying you’re a burden — you’re not alone. These challenges often show up alongside bipolar disorder and can affect how you stay connected. Addressing them together can help you protect your support system and your well-being.
“Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness,” ancient Greek poet Euripides once said. What was true in ancient times still holds true today. Our most valuable, most important friends are those who are there for us when we need them the most.
Friendship can provide the salve in the wound, the laughter in the disappointment, and the inspiration to become your best self. When Bill Withers crooned, “I just might have a problem that you’ll understand. We all need somebody to lean on,” in his heartstring-tugging tune “Lean on Me,” he highlights the reciprocal nature of friendship. Friends are there for each other.
Keeping Friends Who Accept You — and Your Bipolar Diagnosis
Unlike family, friends find one another. And with no shared cultural script for how a friendship should progress, friends have to figure it out for themselves. Sometimes, it’s not easy. Just ask Kevin C. from New York.
“Making and maintaining friendships has always been my biggest challenge,” he says. “I have only two people I consider close friends. I can, and do, speak with them about everything.”
While a friendship can be just as rewarding as any other, it can also be complicated when bipolar disorder enters the equation. Before his diagnosis, Kevin’s unpredictable moods could prove unnerving for some. “There aren’t as many people around me who are scared to death,” Kevin says semi-jokingly of his life since becoming more stable.
“What I didn’t understand is how my bipolar affected the people around me.”
In the years since Kevin was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder, his social life has changed considerably. He says he and his two closest friends, Holly and Nathan, a married couple, look forward to sharing “lazy Sundays” together, along with his dog Eevie.
Regularly socializing and sharing time relaxing affords Kevin the comfort to reach out to them when he is not feeling so relaxed.
“They are the only people I will bring stuff up to,” he says. “If I hit a depressive mood, or if someone or something is bothering me, I will even call them. I don’t wait until I run into them. It takes about two seconds before we laugh about whatever is going on,” he adds.
Holly and Nathan not only accept Kevin, but they also treasure his friendship. As Holly puts it, “Kevin’s bipolar does not define him. He is an amazing human being — kind, intelligent, funny, gentle, trustworthy, honest, and weird enough to be fun and interesting.”
When you are dealing with bipolar disorder, “You are searching for acceptance more than anything else,” says Courtney L. Davey, who works as a licensed marriage and family therapist in Philadelphia. Friendships lost because of bipolar symptoms can make you feel as if you are not accepted, she adds.
Building a Web of Support When You Have Bipolar Disorder
“I encourage my clients to constantly create a web of support, and to keep working on it,” says Davey.
Through many years of practicing her spiritual discipline, Marianne C. had developed a strong network in her New Jersey community, including several close friendships. However, it took her entering into a dark place to risk taking some of these relationships to a new level.
About a decade ago, waves of self-hatred led to suicidal thoughts, and Marianne, who has bipolar 2, was terrified of hospitalization. Who would take care of her cat? Her distress compelled her to reveal her fears to her long-time friends.
Sharing her pain with those closest to her paid off. They opened up to her, as well, which helped her take the focus off herself. They also encouraged her to get out of her comfort zone.
Marianne has since learned to let her friends know when she needs help with transportation or anything else. “They realize how hard it is for me to get through the day. Although I do volunteer almost every day, sometimes I have to breathe and center myself just to buy a pack of gum.”
She reflects on past friendships, “I wasted a lot of time getting people to like me who were emotionally unavailable. Imagine 20 people are clapping for you, and the one who leaves the room is the one you want as your friend.”
When Another Diagnosis Affects Friendship
When it comes to finding comfort in friendship, Dennis H. of Ohio also arrived at a turning point. A year after being diagnosed with bipolar 2, he was diagnosed with high-functioning autism, which complicated his ability to socialize and made him realize that he didn’t read body language naturally.
He had to learn to remind himself to “switch his brain into socialization” mode, to become more aware of people’s mannerisms and expressions, and to communicate more effectively with others.
Dennis’s challenges with bipolar disorder eventually inspired him to reach out in virtual friendship, as a peer. A professional writer, he created his own blog, which aims to offer helpful information to those newly diagnosed or struggling with bipolar, as well as to their loved ones.
He adds that communicating through social media can sometimes be an option for creating friendships and getting support. “Talking about something doesn’t always have to be verbal,” he explains.
Dennis’s friend, Jennifer R., an RN in Indiana, admires Dennis’s “tireless” devotion to his friendship blog and says, “I think he has become most helpful to those who love someone with bipolar.” And it works both ways, she adds, “Oftentimes, Dennis is my ‘reality check’ and keeps me grounded when I start to lose my way. I feel fortunate to be his friend.”
Jennifer emphasizes that friends need to accept bipolar as a brain-based disorder. She says, “He can’t just ‘snap out of it.’”
As a therapist, Davey agrees, noting, “Having some understanding of bipolar’s nuances is important for friends, or else its symptoms and necessary lifestyle accommodations can seem baffling.”
Friendship Dynamics When You Have Bipolar Disorder
“Social support is very, very important for someone with bipolar. It helps you manage stress as you maneuver your way through the ups and downs of the illness,” says Eleora Han, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author in Virginia.
Friends can help provide that source of strength, although navigating the relationship may involve some trial and error.
Dr. Han says you want your friend to understand that bipolar is biological and that you are working hard to manage it. She adds, “You want someone who doesn’t judge you or think it’s an issue with morals or character.” If your friend mistakenly believes that your challenges with moods and thinking patterns are due to a character flaw, this can cause you to doubt yourself, experience shame, and question your treatment plan.
The uninformed friend can prove counterproductive to someone with bipolar, as Han has observed. She says, “An unhealthy relationship might worsen bipolar symptoms, whereas a healthy relationship may provide invaluable encouragement and stability.”
Supportive Friendships vs. Draining Ones: How to Evaluate and Set Boundaries
Not every friendship is automatically good for your mental health — and that doesn’t make you ungrateful or “too sensitive.” If a relationship regularly leaves you raw, ashamed, or dysregulated, it may be time to reassess what you share, how often you engage, and what you can realistically ask of each other.
A supportive friendship often looks like:
- You feel safe being honest, even when you’re not at your best.
- Your boundaries are respected (and you respect theirs, too).
- Repair is possible after conflict — you can talk things through without punishment or humiliation.
- You leave interactions feeling steadier, not spun up or depleted.
A draining or destabilizing friendship may look like:
- Your feelings are minimized, mocked, or treated as “too much.”
- You’re pressured to overexplain, overshare, or prove your experience.
- The relationship runs on crisis, guilt, or control.
- After spending time together, you notice your sleep, routine, or mood gets harder to manage.
If you’re unsure, try one small boundary first — like pausing a conversation that’s escalating, limiting late-night texting, or choosing to share less about something tender. The right friend doesn’t need a perfect explanation to respect a reasonable limit.
Sometimes, a negative friend can drain you of the energy you need to practice self-care, deter you from achieving your goals, or even trigger an episode. Part of that self-care is being able to step back and assess whether the friendship is beneficial to you — and being willing to let it go if it’s not.
Dennis says he steers clear of negative people. He adds, “It’s a balancing act in some cases, and sometimes you have to make a clean break.”
As to the other side of the friendship equation, not everyone is able to handle the intensity that often accompanies bipolar — intensity that eases, but can somewhat remain, albeit morphed into heightened enthusiasm, even when stability has been achieved.
“Not every friend is going to be good with handling bipolar,” notes Dennis. “They might have a thin skin or be dealing with their own traumas. People need to be a friend, to give, as well as receive, and invest the time and effort.”
And sometimes episodes spell the end of a friendship. “Not every person signs up for the trials and tribulations that come with bipolar; some relationships are not able to withstand that,” explains Davey.
Maintaining the Gift of Friendship
Close friendships can serve as that magic ingredient in one’s treatment plan. Friends can make you laugh and hug you when you cry. And when someone takes the time to learn about bipolar — and is willing to voice their concern over behavior shifts — it can be vitally important.
Some friends can act as your sixth sense to help you notice the subtle signs that can be nipped in the bud to help you avert a mood episode. “Finding those pre-symptoms, having those people come to you in a place of caring rather than a place of judgment, can be invaluable,” Davey points out.
Of course, it’s important to first establish guidelines for when and how your friend should communicate a word of warning about changes in mood or behavior.
Dennis’s friend Justin, a social worker from Tennessee, says, “Knowing that someone accepts you, acknowledges there is a problem, and assists you in seeking life-changing help may be the difference between changing for the better or finally ending it.”
Trusted friends can support you by providing a “reality test,” and help you review the details of whatever situation is upsetting to assess whether your hopes or fears about it are realistic or exaggerated.
A close friend can also help you become your own best friend, which can be challenging, adds Davey. “If we don’t have a positive relationship with ourselves, we are not in a position to have a positive relationship with others.”
UPDATED: Printed as “The Friendship Formula,” Summer 2019
