When bipolar disorder symptoms shake your confidence, mindfulness and self-care can help you reclaim your value.
You may be familiar with the Oscar Wilde quote: “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
For those of us living with bipolar disorder, however, loving ourselves and maintaining high self-esteem or self-worth can be incredibly challenging. The symptoms of mania, bipolar depression, and the pervasive feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness that often accompany them are serious struggles. Over time, these challenges can allow low self-esteem and diminished self-worth to take root in our minds.
My daily struggle with this brain-based disorder intertwines itself with my sense of self and self-regard. In my experience, I’ve been reflecting on my relationship with bipolar disorder and how it contributes to moments when my self-esteem plummets.
RELATED: Building Self-Esteem Helps Navigate Anxiety and Bipolar Depression
Self-esteem can be defined as confidence in one’s own worth and abilities. Confidence is the quality I often find myself lacking. This lack of self-confidence seems closely tied to the instability in my life, which so often stems from my bipolar symptoms.
Maintaining Stability With Unpredictable Bipolar Moods
Since my diagnosis more than two decades ago, my moods have been predictably unpredictable.
Jobs have come and gone. I’ve reduced my work hours, changed careers, faced discrimination, job loss, financial insecurity, and hardship — all because of the relentless symptoms of bipolar. Several years ago, I even lost my apartment after exhausting all of my medical leave at work and finding myself without income during a severe depressive episode.
Stability is something I’ve always both pursued and struggled with throughout my life.
Depression, mania, chaos … how can anyone expect their self-esteem to remain untouched by the impact of bipolar disorder?
Using Self-Care to Manage Bipolar Symptoms
Looking for answers, I turned first to self-care practices to help me find calm in the chaos. For me, meditation stood out, offering space for quiet examination and reflection. It has been a useful tool for focusing my scattered thoughts and recentering myself when my brain veers into dark places.
One day, I came across a guided meditation on the topic of self-esteem. I listened to the 10-minute meditation — three times! I’d love to say it held all the answers, but it didn’t.
Still, it offered practical suggestions for improving my self-esteem. And, after meditating, I realized I already held some of the answers within myself all along.
Redefining Worth Beyond Bipolar Disorder
That meditation brought to mind a blog I’d written in 2019, titled “Bipolar Depression Will Not Define Me.” In that piece, I emphasized defining my worth not by external accomplishments, but by my inherent value as a human being.
I was reminded that my worth isn’t tied to my job, salary, symptoms, or mental health condition. It’s also not dictated by my financial status or the letters behind my name. All of those things are both external to me — and impermanent. They can change. But my intrinsic value as a human being, my core self, is constant. And that’s all that truly matters.
Changing Negative Self-Talk and Practicing Mindfulness
The guided meditation also touched on mindfulness and self-talk. To my understanding, mindfulness simply means bringing awareness to the present moment.
When I paused to really listen to the self-talk running through my mind, I noticed that most of it was negative and overly critical. I often judge myself harshly for things like my appearance, my weight, and my circumstances.
RELATED: Bipolar Disorder and the Healing Strength of Self-Compassion
Mindfulness has helped me become more aware of this inner dialogue. Once I realized how unhelpful the negative banter was, I decided to make an intentional effort to steer my self-talk toward self-kindness.
This, of course, takes practice — a lot of practice. I’ve found that my habit of negative self-talk is so deeply ingrained that it requires a genuine effort to redirect it. But now that I’m aware of it, I’ve found it easier to take small steps in a more positive direction.
Building My Self-Esteem With Self-Kindness and Ongoing Support
Along the way, I’ve learned to lean on other self-care strategies to improve my self-esteem. Some of these include therapy, support groups, exercise, and time with loved ones.
I’ve also made a conscious effort to explore new ideas and activities. Through this openness, I’ve discovered interests that are uniquely my own. I wouldn’t have uncovered these passions if I hadn’t intentionally sought them out. Exploring new areas of life and finding hobbies that excite me has made a significant difference in my self-esteem — and, by extension, my self-confidence.
Openness and ‘What I Know for Sure’
Oprah Winfrey says it best: I need to “think about what I know for sure.”
Here’s what I know for sure:
- I am a kind human being.
- I am compassionate, intelligent, hardworking, brave, and loving.
- I have talents and interests that have nothing to do with bipolar disorder.
These are the things that define me. They are the foundation of my self-esteem. While bipolar disorder can certainly alter the circumstances of my life, it doesn’t change who or what I love, nor does it diminish the core qualities that make me who I am.
An Invitation to Self-Reflect
I encourage you to look inward and explore your innermost self. What makes you unique? What defines you? What are your talents and hobbies? Who and what do you love?
If it helps, write it all down. Make a list. Look at it often — especially when bipolar symptoms threaten to shake your self-esteem. Let’s take time to celebrate ourselves and encourage each other to build our self-esteem.
We are all worth it!
UPDATED: Originally posted April 1, 2021
