Structure keeps us safe with bipolar disorder, but ‘swimming with the current’ of your energy keeps you moving forward.
We hear it all the time: Routine is essential for managing bipolar disorder! Keep a steady routine to combat your bipolar symptoms! Do things the same way every day, and life will fall into place!
I get it. Really, I do. Having a routine relieves you of the burden of deciding what to do next. I can see why it is so helpful for people living with bipolar. It keeps us in a lane of good decisions and authentic behaviors.
But one thing that always seems to be overlooked in talks about establishing a routine is something that we as people with bipolar feel frequently: spontaneity.
Importance of Spontaneity in Bipolar Management
Spontaneity can be wonderful in small, appropriate doses — but many of us with bipolar tend toward being “inspired” with “spontaneity” much more often when we’re on the high end of the mood spectrum (hypomania and mania). A series of spontaneous decisions or behaviors, especially if they’re out-of-character, can easily lead us to a place we don’t really want to be: on the slippery slope of “bipolar-bad-decision mode.” This is where spontaneity becomes impulsivity, grandiosity, delusional thinking, or other destructive behaviors.
So, again, having a routine is generally a good thing because it limits our shenanigans.
But, I have to say… routine is the bane of my existence.
It’s so boring. Maybe it’s just me (it probably is!), but I feel as if I’m in “Groundhog Day mode” almost all the time. Each new day is like a copy of the last. Tomorrow, I won’t remember whether I did a particular part of my routine today or yesterday. It feels mundane.
So instead of following a strict routine 100 percent of the time, we may be better off by letting our energy dictate our behavior more often than other people do. It’s like swimming with a current instead of against it. Swimming against a current is a great way to drown. Metaphorically, people who live with bipolar face a much stronger current than those who do not.
Finding Routine Flexibility — Within Reason
Most people are able to redirect their energy with relative ease when necessary (for example, giving up after losing all one’s poker chips despite really wanting to win, or getting showered and dressed for work despite really wanting to stay in bed).
Those of us with bipolar can do this, too, of course — but, at certain times, our brain chemistry fluctuates and simply won’t allow “business as usual.” It moves to an extreme state, seeking either way too much life or way too much death, depending on what’s happening with our current mood state.
The hardest part is trusting that it will eventually relent. It will! And we’re better off if we can go with the flow (literally and figuratively) and resist the urge to fight against the powerful current of bipolar brain chemistry. Save your energy!
Knowing When to Ask for Help
There are limits to the amount of flexibility that’s safe to embrace, though. Depending on one’s situation, certain tasks — like feeding the kids, walking the pets, and/or clocking in at work — really must be done at regular intervals in order to keep the wheels on the bus.
When we have trouble managing those things, it’s time to ask our support system for help.
What Flexibility Looks Like for Me
Here are a few examples from my own life that illustrate the kind of “routine flexibility” I’m suggesting:
- Instead of keeping a “regular routine” of dropping off my child at preschool at a certain time each day, I go with the flow of both of our moods and take her when our energy is right.
- I try to ignore deadlines. Wait, let me explain: When I’m writing an article or working on a deadline-driven project, my hatred of routine and my anti-authoritarian nature combine to create a “storm” of unwarranted anxiety. To that end, when I commit to a project, I try to start immediately and stay focused on it until it’s done. I’ve found that putting off any obligatory work usually gets it caught up in the aforementioned storm.
The moral of this part of the story is that people with bipolar need a more flexible routine because we’re swimming in more perilous waters. Sort of like…
Understanding the Whistle: How to Let Off Steam
The way we keep a kettle from exploding is by letting off a little steam. And, given the nature of bipolar mood episodes, it’s nearly impossible to know exactly when that pressure will happen.
Now, if you have a steam release valve on the kettle, you’ll have plenty of warning that it’s boiling over. First the steam comes out, and then the kettle starts whistling. That whistle gets louder and louder as the kettle heats up, and only ends if
- (A) You remove it from the heat.
- (B) The water evaporates.
- (C) The kettle explodes.
(A) is the correct answer here! When your water is boiling, let off some steam before it’s too late.
The Value of ‘Free Time’ in Your Schedule
This means building plenty of flexibility into your routine. Just like “free time” at summer camp, we can create some pockets of time in our schedules to just do whatever the heck feels right in the moment. Doing this regularly serves us well, even during times when we’re not particularly stressed or overwhelmed.
Anyone can get stressed or overwhelmed, but we’re much more likely than others to experience a toxic, silent “anxiety buildup” that results in problems.
Now, I’m not talking about handing all decision-making over to mania or depression. I’m talking about allowing room for decision-making that fits with my energy levels of the time. Here are a couple of examples from my own life that illustrate the kinds of “steam release” I’m suggesting:
- I’ve always been a “no-frills,” “work-with-your-hands” type of person, but only recently have I discovered that a pair of well-manicured hands can go a surprisingly long way toward boosting my mood. So, I allow myself a trip for a mani-pedi whenever it feels necessary. What was once reserved for special occasions is now my fallback plan for when the kettle starts whistling.
- If I want to have a fighting chance at operating normally, I really must do a self-check-in at least once per day. During this time (which I take at my convenience because — have I mentioned? — I hate routines), I turn off all the devices, listen to the birds and squirrels outside my window, and sip coffee. I give my mind freedom and space to wander and explore.
The moral of this part of the story is to make sure you build time for “letting off steam” into your everyday routine — because we definitely don’t want any kettles exploding!
It’s much easier for me to embrace the idea of keeping a regular routine if it includes plenty of time for free-form stress release. I know it’s not easy to do that when you have a lot of obligations or a job, but I still consider it a priority for living well with bipolar.
What about you? Have you built any “mandatory free time” into your routine? Could you?
UPDATED: Originally posted on February 14, 2022
