Broader research on parenting tends to focus on the hard parts, and this has been mirrored in the literature on the experiences of parenting autistic children (Saccà, Cavallini, & Cavallini, 2019). There is little research on positive experiences when parenting autistic kids, or on parenting an autistic child as an autistic parent.
Evidence to date highlights a range of difficulties for parents arising when parenting autistic children, including poorer wellbeing, higher incidences of stress, anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation, poorer quality of life, feeling more socially isolated, and with negative impacts on physical health (Blacher & McIntyre, 2006; Cachia, Anderson, & Moore, 2016; Enea & Rusu, 2020; Yorke, White, Weston, Rafla, Charman, & Simonoff, 2018). Autism itself is thought to come with challenges in the parent-child relationship, including less secure attachment styles, which may be influenced by a child’s ‘challenging behaviours’, such as defiance, avoidance, and a lack of social reciprocity.
The more negative experiences and outcomes highlighted in past research may reflect a range of factors that can be expected to have changed over time, including societal (un)acceptance of autism, schooling difficulties, etc. Such factors would understandably heighten stress in parents, and this would naturally be expected to be associated with less ‘socially acceptable’ behaviours. It is hoped that, as society becomes more and more accepting of autistic people and neurodivergence, stigma is reduced, and at least some of the stressors may be reduced too.
More recently, in an attempt to redress the balance from focusing on negative aspects, there has been an important move towards examining the joyful and fulfilling aspects of parenting autistic children. This study led by Heyworth et al. (2025) sought to discuss parenting joy and connection for both autistic and non-autistic parents of autistic children. The researchers aimed to address the question: what do parents value about their autistic child, and what characterises parents’ positive relationships with their autistic child?
Although research has tended to focus on the challenges associated with parenting, parents also experience many joys.
Methods
The researchers conducted 80 semi-structured interviews with non-autistic (40) and autistic (40) parents of an autistic child (aged 6-12). Non-autistic parents also needed to have another non-autistic child of the same age range.
When creating the interview questions, the researchers consulted with an advisory group of 3 autistic and 3 non-autistic parents of autistic kids to ensure the suitability of the questions. The lead researcher is also autistic themselves, and so the team built in reflection about the impact of this on the research. The autistic researcher kept a diary of their reactions and thoughts about the interviews, discussing this frequently in supervisory meetings. This ensured that any emotional impacts of the work were managed and enabled the team to recognise how this positioning may have shaped the analysis.
Interviewees were asked questions inviting them to reflect broadly on their parenting experiences (for a wider study), with some of the questions focusing on fulfilling and joyful aspects, including joint activities with their child, their attachment and/or connection with their child, and parenting self-efficacy (belief in one’s ability to parent successfully). The questions were provided to interviewees in advance, so that they could prepare if they wished. The interviews were recorded and transcribed (typed up) and analysed to distil the key points across interviews into themes.
Results
The qualitative analysis developed 5 main themes on positive experiences parenting an autistic child. Although some parents focused only on the challenges of parenting, and struggled to identify fulfilling parts, many interviewees discussed joys of parenting. The research focused on five themes:
1. Parenting is both challenging and enjoyable
In the first theme, parents described the highs and lows of parenting, with some finding it difficult to ‘enjoy any part’, but many expressing their deep love for their child despite the challenges. Some parents also described specific joys of parenting, including finding fulfilment in seeing their child smile.
2. Parents value spending time with their autistic child
The second theme shows how parents find joy in spending time with their autistic child, including during ordinary day-to-day activities, and in the more idiosyncratic or ‘autistic’ ways that their child expresses joy. Parents also discussed their connection with their child, including enjoying their child’s sense of humour, and sharing in their child’s interests. Even when the parent wasn’t personally interested in the topic, they found that engaging in this brought their child happiness, and happiness to them in return.
3. Parents value their autistic child’s personality
Theme 3 highlights parents’ pride in their child’s personality, their curiosity about the world, and in their freedom to be their ‘authentic’ self, including learning their unconventional ways of showing affection. Contradicting some preconceptions about empathy and autism, many parents highlighted their child’s empathetic nature including knowing when they were having a bad day and offering comfort, even when comfort was offered in unconventional ways.
4. Parenting autistic children is fulfilling
The fourth theme discusses moments of fulfilment, including seeing their child happy, especially after overcoming challenges. Such fulfilment often came about as parents experienced their own self-growth, including learning about their child, including their ways of communicating and attempting connection. This often led to recognition by parents that they had become their child’s ‘safe person’. Autistic parents also noted a sense of purpose and belonging that parenting an autistic child brought them, with their child teaching them to embrace their own authentic self.
5. Collaboration, learning, and acceptance are key to parenting fulfilment
Finally, theme 5 shows how many parents see their relationship with their autistic child as collaborative, where they ‘grow and learn together’. Often, this had begun as a very difficult process, whereby parents had to ‘un-learn’ their default parenting style and experience, but later became an achievement that parents were proud of. Parents noted that accepting their child’s autism, and accepting them for who they truly are, fostered a fulfilling connection.
Many parents reported finding deep joy, fulfillment, and personal growth in parenting their autistic children, valuing time spent together, their child’s unique personality and empathy, and collaborative learning through acceptance.
Conclusions
Although this paper shows some of the profound difficulties faced by many parents of an autistic child, it highlighted myriad ways in which the parenting journey brought joy and fulfilment. Parents’ connection with their child grew through acceptance, including of their unique ways of showing affection, and encouraging them to be their authentic self (which was also replicated in autistic parents). Many parents credited their child with teaching them something about themselves, and with co-creating a fulfilling parent-child connection.
The authors concluded:
Our study shows that relationships between parents – regardless of their neurotype – and their Autistic children are complex and challenging but can be characterised by reciprocated connection and love… these findings preliminarily suggest that acceptance, flexibility, and the reframing of expectations are all conduits to parenting self-efficacy and joy for parents of Autistic children.
Joy in autism-specific parent-child relationships highlight importance of acceptance, flexibility, and reframing of expectations.
Strengths and limitations
Selection bias is always a challenge in qualitative research. Of course, when someone is interested in the topic being studied, they are more likely to want to take part. This can also extend to experiences, potentially narrowing the pool of interviewees. For example, in this study, parents with more positive experiences of parenting could have been more likely to take part. Those with more negative experiences may have been less likely to volunteer. In addition, those being interviewed may have felt a need to be ‘more positive’ (i.e., demand characteristics) for fear of e.g., negative judgement. This can happen even in the most well-designed of studies, with very open and non-judgemental researchers. The current study does however include a large sample of interviewees, which did include parents who struggled to identify parenting fulfilment.
I am unsure whether the participants knew that the interviewer was autistic themselves, and how this may have influenced the way in which interviewees answered the questions. It would also have been interesting to learn more about the differences between the autistic and non-autistic parents’ experiences, but I recognise that it can be difficult to achieve this in such studies.
When declaring their potential conflicts of interest in relation to the study, the authors state that “[The first author] is the founder, past-CEO, and current Head of Research, of Reframing Autism, an Australian not-for-profit Autistic-led information and training organization”. This may have implications for positionality, and the direction of the analysis. However, I am unsure otherwise how this would present a conflict, and this is not specified by the authors.
In terms of the qualitative analysis, the research team acknowledge aspects of positionality in the paper, in particular for the autistic researcher who was conducting the interviews, but more information on how this played out during the analysis could be useful for the reader. Indeed, the impact of ‘insider researchers’ (autistic researchers conducting autism research) is a worthy and exciting area deserving further examination in future research.
The perspective and positioning of researchers relative to the research topic is crucial for the study’s quality.
Implications for practice
The findings have important implications for those involved in supporting parents of autistic children, especially perhaps when they have less experience of autism, and are in the process of learning and adapting their parenting. This paper shows that acceptance of their child’s autism, and working to understand their different communication needs, styles, and ways of showing affection, play a key role in helping parents find joyful and fulfilling aspects of parenting. Clinicians and community workers supporting parents could provide resources and evidence-based psychoeducation, as well as connections to organisations or parent groups that may have similar experiences.
Additionally for parents, the paper shows how parents find benefits in learning about themselves from interacting with their autistic child, especially when they were also autistic themselves. The parents in this study highlight that ensuring a fulfilling parenting experience is a collaborative experience between themselves and their autistic child. This research therefore suggests that moving towards acceptance, and away from trying to ‘treat’ or change features of autism in children, may be key to a joyful and fulfilling parenting experience.
Parents should be supported to understand and accept their child’s autism, learning to connect with them in unique ways.
Statement of interests
Dr Jade Eloise Norris has no conflicts of interest to declare.
Edited by
Dr Dafni Katsampa.
Links
Primary paper
Heyworth, M., McMahon, C., Tan, D. W., & Pellicano, E. (2025). “There is Nowhere Else That I’d Rather be Than with Them”: Parents’ Positive Experiences Parenting Autistic Children. Autism & Developmental Language Impairments, 10, 23969415251357222. https://doi.org/10.1177/23969415251357222
Other references
Blacher J., McIntyre L. L. (2006). Syndrome specificity and behavioural disorders in young adults with intellectual: Cultural differences in family impact. Journal of Intellectual Disability Research, 50(3), 184–198. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2788.2005.00768.x
Cachia, R. L., Anderson, A., & Moore, D. W. (2016). Mindfulness, stress and well-being in parents of children with autism spectrum disorder: A systematic review. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 25(1), 1-14. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-015-0193-8
Enea, V., & Rusu, D. M. (2020). Raising a child with autism spectrum disorder: A systematic review of the literature investigating parenting stress. Journal of Mental Health Research in Intellectual Disabilities, 13(4), 283-321. https://doi.org/10.1080/19315864.2020.1822962
Saccà, A., Cavallini, F., & Cavallini, M. C. (2019). Parents of children with autism spectrum disorder: a systematic review. Journal of Clinical & Developmental Psychology, 1(3). https://cab.unime.it/journals/index.php/JCDP/article/view/2174
Yorke, I., White, P., Weston, A., Rafla, M., Charman, T., & Simonoff, E. (2018). The association between emotional and behavioral problems in children with autism spectrum disorder and psychological distress in their parents: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of autism and developmental disorders, 48(10), 3393-3415. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-018-3605-y
