Positive thinking isn’t about ignoring bipolar disorder symptoms — it’s about changing the inner voice that says you’re not capable, worthy, or enough.
Negative self-talk is something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. The way we speak to ourselves can shape how we see the world — influencing our mood, self-esteem, mental health, and even our ability to find stability with bipolar disorder.
Over time, I’ve come to realize just how powerful those inner thoughts can be. My own experience is proof that negative thinking isn’t harmless — it can hold us back in ways we don’t always recognize.
The Mental Toll of Telling Myself ‘I Can’t’
Sometimes, I feel like I live in a world of “can’t.” And it goes back in my history.
When I reflect on my college days, many years ago, my negative thinking had a significant impact, especially during that time. I’d gone about my daily life with the constant thought that college was “too hard” and I would never graduate.
The words “I can’t” went through my mind constantly, and I believed them. I even ended up dropping out of college.
Coming to Accept ‘I Can’ Instead of ‘I Can’t’
Once I started chasing after and bundling up kids during an Iowa winter, my mindset changed to “I can.” By that point, I realized that I can graduate — even if my path looked different from what I had initially anticipated.
I returned to college and managed to graduate two years later. This was after four and a half years of college, including my time spent in junior college. Not to mention, it’d been hellish for me to try to memorize information and deal with all of the stress that comes with higher education and bipolar.
Learning How to Transform My Negative Mindset
Then and now, stress sets off my bipolar symptoms. So, how did I do it? How did I finally reach my goal of graduating?
Well, I had a few cheerleaders.
One, in particular, was a therapist who spent countless hours telling me I could get my degree; she put the “I can” thoughts in my head. I was also blessed to have parents who encouraged me along the way.
As a result of graduating from college, I learned to overcome even more “I can’t” roadblocks.
Finding My Voice Through Writing About Having Bipolar
In 2015, my bipolar memoir, Some Dreams Are Worth Keeping, came out. It took me over six years of writing, as I relived my private pain and journey living with bipolar. There were so many “I can’t do this” moments — I lost track of how many — but I finished the book!
I was very fortunate. I’d taken a “How to Write a Memoir” class taught by Bob, a then-80-year-old man. He encouraged me, along with his wife, Rena, who was also my first editor. They kept telling me that I had talent and to keep at it.
Many people have read the book, but what matters most to me is that it simultaneously gives hope to others and educates them.
Learning to Speak Up and Share My Bipolar Journey
Then came the decision to join Toastmasters International, a worldwide organization that helps people overcome their fear of public speaking. The “I can’t” voice came through loud and clear as I took on this new journey; it almost kept me from continuing.
When I first began to speak, I wore long skirts, so people would not see my knees shake. It didn’t work because nerves got the best of me, and you could see my whole body quiver. So, I advanced to using notecards and even sat in a chair.
Then, I began to stand with more confidence. And from there, I began to go public about my bipolar journey in my community.
My “I can’t” quickly turned into “I can” — so much so that, in January 2021, I spoke at TEDxTenayaPaseo, a virtual event called “Where Ideas Are Worth Spreading.” I stepped onto the TEDx stage and shared my bipolar journey, “Having a Mental Illness Is Not a Death Sentence.”
Looking back over the years, I have had so many “I can’t” moments that I’ve lost track. For example, the speech above was a 15-minute talk and had to be memorized. Yet, having bipolar makes it hard for me to learn things.
But I was fortunate to have a strong group of friends and mentors from my Toastmasters group, who helped me craft the talk, encouraged me to practice it, and reassured me that it would be a big success.
Sometimes, I still catch myself thinking with that “I can’t” internal voice. However, for the most part, I have come to realize that my mindset has shifted to “I can.”
Supporting Others and Encouraging a Positive Mindset
I am an assistant for special education students — kindergarteners, first-graders, and second-graders — and for them, I am a cheerleader all day:
- I tell the kids they can do the work.
- I tell them they can figure out answers if they try.
- I tell them they can learn new things.
- I even do special cheers for the kids to praise them.
If I told them they “can’t,” then they would believe it. So why do I sometimes tell myself that I can’t? Do you tell yourself that, too?
We are each on this planet for a purpose and are capable of more than we can imagine — like having the “I can” voice in our heads instead of the “I can’t” one.
While mastering positive self-talk can be an ongoing struggle, I continue to work on it even years later.
UPDATED: Originally posted November 2, 2021
