She savagely lit into herself a few nights ago over blowing a job interview. Thinking about it afterward, she wondered if she was the critic at all. Could it have been someone or history speaking through her? She used to ask, “Do I have an inner critic?” Now she needs help.
Essentially, the inner critic acts as an introjected, critical parental figure. Dr. Nelda Andersone
Introduction
After numerous run-ins with my inner critic over the past three months, I began a series on the subject matter last week. I turned to the work of Psychology Today expert Dr. Nelda Andersone for help.
Part one describes the inner critic, to include what it can look and sound like. Right after posting, it hit me that readers may want to learn about its origin and purpose.
So, let’s do just that, again with the assistance of Dr. Andersone. I, for one, look at it as a great opportunity to learn more about myself — especially that automatic and consciously unaware one. Maybe we look at it the same way?
Let’s roll.
Where it all begins
I’m sure you’re not surprised that Dr. Andersone believes the origin of the inner critic goes back to our childhood years. That’s just life in the world of emotional and mental illnesses.
Research suggests that people with harsh self-critical tendencies (explained in part one) often encountered frequent judgments, ridicule, and not a lot of positive regard during their childhood years.
Aggressive actions and words get the press, but not paying attention and indifference can be just as harmful.
Parents lead the pack
The list of critics includes parents, teachers, siblings, peers — and societal expectations (which ate me up). But parents lead the pack. And when they’re habitually critical, controlling, demanding, abusive, and/or indifferent, the (innocent) child stands a great chance of becoming harshly.self-critical.
From Dr. Andersone…
Essentially, the inner critic acts as an introjected, critical parental figure.
It makes sense, doesn’t it. Parents are the world to most little ones, so when there’s conflict, a child is going to assign blame to themselves. Actually, they perceive it’s safer to blame themselves for the confusion and pain they experience.
Burned into the brain
Perhaps worst of all, the attitudes and critical stance of the parent(s) get internalized, becoming the child’s inner dialogue. It serves to support the growth of their illusion of safety and control, which even provides a measure of anxiety relief.
Gradually, the whole works turns into an unnecessary automatic coping mechanism for dealing with life’s challenges. And the scary part is, these early-developed critical and negative evaluations carry a false self-image into adulthood where the inner critic often feels more like the authentic adult self.
And that’s how it’s done. If you know or suspect you have an active and harsh inner critic, do the stops along the journey feel familiar?
The purpose
The Great Protector
The way Dr. Andersone explains this is so good. See what you think. Internalizing a critic can be helpful to a child stuck in a dysfunctional environment. The only problem is the critic doesn’t grasp the reality of the child growing into an adult with their own strengths and resources,
Since there’s so much at stake. it’s not likely the critic will give up and leave on its own. Instead, it continues to demean, comparing in malicious ways, and providing reasons for the person to feel undeserving of their place in the world.
The Great Protector
According to Andersone, the human psyche is organized around avoiding pain. Sincerely believing the person’s survival depends on them, the inner critic takes on the responsibility of managing a person’s life so they don’t have to face emotional pain. Hence, the ongoing monitoring of threats and safety precautions.
When something in the present resembles the pain from early life, you can count on The Great Protector to jump into action.
Let’s put it in the context of our friend’s situation. Her inner critic unleashed hell on her…
The biggest interview of your life and you blew it to smithereens. He didn’t like you, and neither did I. You’d better double down on making yourself marketable — or else.
She had been judged and rejected during the interview. The inner critic wouldn’t have it, so it delivered harsh criticism and control — even demanding improvement to avoid the same treatment at the next interview.
As unpleasant as it can be, it’s just how it operates. Andersone submits that under closer examination, it becomes evident that the inner critic is trying to act in the person’s best interest.
Brutal tactics
Even though its heart may be in the right place, the inner critic often doesn’t use its head. Unknowingly, it can increase a sense of internal threat, making it more difficult for the person to realize their potential and live a full life.
According to Andersone, some of its tactics…
- Using “black-and-white,”, “always-never,” and “everything-nothing” positions
- Repeatedly personalizes, exaggerates perceived threats, and catastrophizes to evoke negative emotions about past events or instill fear regarding future outcomes
- Relentless shaming, blaming, and indiscriminate criticizing
- Creating a false sense of security, contributing to a pervasive sense of isolation
Brutal, right?
Wrapping it up
No surprise: people may not consciously notice that they’re “beating themselves up.” I mean, it feels so normal. All of it — negative thoughts and harsh interventions — are generated without conscious effort, occurring out of awareness.
Dr. Andersone warns…
A hidden and unaddressed inner critic has a significant influence over a person due to its unconscious nature. When unaware of its existence and approaches, there’s no opportunity to address it.
Keep in mind that driven by an unconscious inner critic, people conform to their early internalized standards and accept judgments, rather than critically evaluating and choosing what aligns with their satisfaction and needs.
Getting to know and addressing the inner critic becomes essential to disrupting its limiting influence and acquiring skills for new, fulfilling actions.
If you haven’t already, give part one a go.
I’m bound to have missed something, so be sure to read “Decoding the Inner Critic’s Origins and Purpose.” And as I said last week, check out Dr. Andersone’s Pychology Today profile.
Please review the Chipur emotional and mental illness info and inspiration titles on the articles page — or by category below, right sidebar on desktop. We’ll both appreciate it.
After a decades-long wrestling match with emotional and mental illness, Bill finally found his professional and personal passion – life’s meaning. He wanted to lend a hand to those struggling as he did, so off he went to grad school at age 49 and earned his counseling credentials. He continues his service through Chipur and other projects.
