It’s not about powering through. It’s about avoiding known triggers, protecting your energy, and staying flexible through setbacks.
I often feel as if I’ve stepped back in time when I get really sick. I think, How could this happen again? I’ve worked so hard to get where I am! I remember telling this to my therapist after I struggled at work and sank into a depression.
She replied, “Julie, you always ask me to remind you that this is an illness. You live with bipolar disorder, so getting depressed after a stressful event is part of what happens. Yes, you do get sick — but it’s not like it used to be. What’s different now is your resilience. You bounce back so much faster.”
She’s right. In the past, a depressive episode could last an entire year. Over time, I reduced that duration — first to six months, then a few months, and eventually just a few weeks. Relationship problems that once sent me into a deep, sometimes psychotic tailspin might now only knock me down for a weekend.
I really can bounce back instead of breaking apart like I used to. I’ve spent years building my bipolar management skills. Over time, I’ve developed a flexibility like a rubber band — able to stretch in and out of difficult situations without snapping. That’s how I define resilience: being able to face the challenges of bipolar disorder and stretching to meet them, even when we’re really sick.
Removing Triggers to Manage Daily Life
I’ve tried to remove the triggers in my life that I know will make me ill, and I’ve written about this effort before. But I can’t control everything. In the past, I wasn’t very proactive about managing bipolar disorder. I would enter situations that were clear triggers, get sick in the same way, and then wonder why. In other words, I believed I could walk into fire and not get burned.
Now I understand something important: Resilience doesn’t mean making the same mistakes and hoping to handle them better. Real resilience comes from avoiding what makes me sick in the first place. This allows me to use that saved-up energy to manage everyday life, instead of always being stuck in crisis mode.
The Resilience Pendulum
Bipolar disorder mimics a pendulum that swings way out to each side before it returns to the middle. The swings on the edges involve suicidal thoughts, humiliation, dangerous manic choices, letting the wrong people into your life, and not accepting the limitations of the illness.
Thankfully, when you begin changing your behavior — even just a little — the pendulum doesn’t swing as far. Over time, it starts to settle closer to the center. Eventually, it only swings out when something truly outside your control happens. That’s what real resilience feels like — and it’s a relief.
Here are three strategies I’ve used to strengthen my own resilience:
1. Look at Yourself Before Pointing the Finger
Yes, sometimes other people are at fault. But before placing blame, check in with yourself first. Ask, “What about this situation might be triggering behavior characteristic of bipolar?” and “What do I need to do right now to take care of myself?”
Only after that self-check should you approach the other person and explain how their actions or insensitive words may have triggered a mood swing. This approach helps you bounce back faster by avoiding confrontation or an emotional spiral on top of your already-stressed brain.
2. Guard Your Sleep Like It’s Sacred
People who have bipolar disorder are notorious for sleep problems. Our hormone levels — such as serotonin and melatonin — can be easily thrown off by things like stress, the weather, or the illness itself. Resilience requires restful sleep; we can’t stress this fact enough.
Even when I’m sick, worried, or feeling like I can’t go on, I know I need to stick to a sleep routine. That means staying out of bed during the day and going to sleep at the same time each night. It’s hard — sometimes impossible — but I try anyway. One of my biggest challenges is insomnia during hypomania. Still, I’ve learned that if I want to stay well, I must find a way to sleep.
3. Teach People How to Help You
Let the people close to you know exactly how they can support you when you’re struggling.
For example, I told my mom: “When I have a terrible day at work and start feeling paranoid, please remind me that this is my bipolar talking.” You can say, ‘Julie, you talk like this when work is stressful. You asked that I remind you that it’s the bipolar and not really you. You asked for my help and told me you don’t want to ruin things as you did at your last job. You asked me to tell you when this kind of thinking pops up. It’s not you — it’s the illness.”
This kind of honest, pre-planned communication helps me stay on track and avoid falling into dangerous territory. It also means I can show up for work the next day and keep going. That’s resilience.
How Resilience Really Means Flexibility
These are just a few examples of how making some healthy changes can help you remain strong and supple like a branch that bends without breaking. Metaphors really are appropriate here. Think of yourself as a wave, or a child who falls down and gets back up. Resilience is all about flexibility.
If you think about it, bipolar disorder is black or white: It’s mania and depression — elation and desperation. And it can cause us to see life that way, too: This is terrible. I’ll never survive this. I can’t go on. But it doesn’t have to be like that.
Building Strength Through Practice
What if you really were as strong and flexible as a branch that bends without breaking? What if you knew you’d be okay, no matter what? For me, that knowledge is everything. I’ve reached a place where I can stay strong even when I’m symptomatic. If I lose someone I love, I know I can survive — whether that means going to the hospital, managing suicidal thoughts, or weathering a manic episode.
Since my diagnosis many years ago, I’ve slowly built up my ability to handle a crisis. I haven’t done it alone. I’ve leaned on my doctors, my therapist, and the people who’ve stood by me. I’ve also taken time to teach others how to support me.
Resilience isn’t just for people with bipolar disorder — it’s a lifelong journey for all of us. And the more we commit to it, the stronger we become.
Debunking Common Resilience Myths
- Resilience is not doing the same things that caused trouble in the past and hoping the outcome will change. It took me many years to break this cycle.
- Resilience is not using drugs and alcohol — especially marijuana — to make it easier to handle life. I tried both before I was diagnosed and it never worked.
- Resilience is not staying in bed all day to shut out a world that you see as scary and unfriendly. I spent three years doing just that, and when I finally got up, the world was still there — waiting.
UPDATED: Printed as “Fast Talk: Resilience Rules”, Winter 2010
